if i can run in heels then i can drive
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
