Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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