Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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