I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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