I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
tell me about the fingering
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
