I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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