I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
