what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
