if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
