I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
