I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
