guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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