what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
