Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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