Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
