drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
