I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
