I understand why you refuse to be sober now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
