We're facebook friends in real life
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
