I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
