shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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