how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
