Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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