Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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