party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
