I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
