well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize