based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
