I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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