her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Couch. On fire.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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