Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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