dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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