I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
