You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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