Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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