But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
