Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
