yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
