I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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