Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
