dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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