Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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