My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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