I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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