Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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