Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
