its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
