$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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