I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
