dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
