I love having hate sex.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
