We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
