he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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