I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
