i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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