Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
