your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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