the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
