So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize