thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
