Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
