garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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