i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
