mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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