Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
