Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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