first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize