Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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