Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
whose parrot is this?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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