i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
