he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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